So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
