TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
