Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
