Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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