I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
