lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
