Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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