I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
