Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
