a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
