I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
