i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
