just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
