So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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