2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
