if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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