Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
