Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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