I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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