Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
