Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
