He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
