Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How external is "for external use only"?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
