Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
