xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
