i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
