she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
