Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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