he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
