Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
