how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this just has baby written all over it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
