Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
