Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
