No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
