Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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