Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
