So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Someone signed my nipple.
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