where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
