I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
