my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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