well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
