I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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