He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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