Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
