i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
