I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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