Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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