how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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