he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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