I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We're too hungover to prance.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
