My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
